(scraps from this weeks notebook)

The giant city awake in the first warm breath of springtime. 5 days till 40th birthday. Moving into part time insomnia. Money worries. I have enough now but what about next month? The month after? What about the summer?

* * *
THE PAST- a new movie

* * *
I need to update my operating system. A spy among friends. A wolf among men. I’ve had enough now. Oblivion today. Oblivion tomorrow. I’m in ragdoll state of mind. Ash tray state of mind. When is happy? Today is OK but what about tomorrow?

Happiness = expansive mind

Are bunny rabbits happy? Are trees happy? Is the wind happy? Is the Metro happy? It bears bad tidings.

* * *
I’ve been a people pleaser most of my life. I need to work on my Moon Pie. I’m in pain. I’m suffering.

Looking for next job? 95,000 jobs. 20, 000 recruiters. Am I a modern invention. What isn’t modern? If I die tomorrow will I be in Bardo?

* * *
Splurging on mind. What else is there? An old junket of harmony and grief. A pirate? No a starlet. No a pirate.

* * *
The cosmic sublime sounds like a special kind of snail.

* * *
Cavities are contagious. Watch who you kiss! Wheat is killing us. Meat is killing us. Gluten is killing us. Eat mostly fruits and veggies. Wheat on the side. FLOSS YR TEETH!

* * *
I travel to escape tyranny of little self

* * *

Insomnia during week before hitting 40. What is 40? Is it spring energy or anxiety? There is a long german word for the emotion I feel. Eating the dream dust of my youth. As you get older time goes inside you. When you die you just become time. Today I am 40.

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